About Nine Months
by jespah
Summary: From October of 2176 to June of 2177, the short life of Kevin Madden-Beckett.
1. Chapter 1

About Nine Months

The short life of Kevin Madden-Beckett.

Chapter 1 – The News

" _We were so arrogant_."

"What?" asked Lili O'Day Beckett. She glanced at a wall chronometer. It was maybe a minute before 0300 hours.

"Nothing. Go back to sleep," Doug replied softly, wearily.

"You said something."

"It was nothing. Go back to sleep, or you'll wake up Empy and Dec."

Lili turned over and tried to rest. She stared a little at the chronometer, which showed the date – October 28th of 2176. "It'll be our anniversary soon."

"Huh? That's not until February."

"Not our wedding, but of when we met. Nineteen years ago, tomorrow," she said. "Remember?"

"Yeah, that's true."

"You don't sound so happy, Doug."

He rolled over and pressed against her back, engulfing her in his arms. "I am always happy with you."

"You know what I mean. It's not that you aren't, I suppose, content. It's that something is troubling you. Something or other, whatever it is, you and I have been together long enough, Douglas Jay Hayes Beckett. Can't you tell me whatever it is that's bothering you so much?"

"I, uh," his voice trailed off and he leaned in closer, holding her close.

She turned around in his embrace. Even in the dim lighting of their bedroom, as dawn was approaching on Lafa II, a dawn that would include four suns of various colors and dimensions, she could still see him bite his lower lip. "Whatever it is, I can help."

"No, you can't. Nobody can, not even Miva."

She tensed. "My OB-GYN. Melissa's, too. Something's wrong with Melissa," Lili concluded, referring to Doug's paramour in their open marriage.

"No, uh, Melissa is fine. She's, she's pregnant again."

"Oh, my. Well, it's been a few years, eh? Neil's close to fifteen. That's a helluva long time between kids. You'll have to do the diaper dance all over again. I guess we all will, and you in your seventies already."

"That's, uh, that's not it. Please, don't ask anymore. I'll tell her, though, that we need to start, well," he sighed, "we need to start telling all of you."

"Telling us what?"

"Just, just, let me do this my way," he snapped a little.

"Sorry." She rolled over. The complexities of an open marriage with lovers and children with three sets of parentages were a little much for the nonce.

Neither of them got any more sleep that night.

In the morning, Doug was already on a communicator call when Lili got up. "Yeah, and bring everyone here. We'll see about getting Reed on the line, too, and Joss at Cornell. Everybody needs to hear this at the same time. Right, yeah, see you soon. You know I love you." He'd apparently hung up, so he turned to her. "They'll all be here, kind of a late breakfast. Hope that's okay. You don't have to do anything."

"Of course I do. But Doug, this is a work day."

"No, it's not," Doug told her. "I already called Treve. I'm sorry; I know I went over your head and I'm completely outta bounds doing that. But Melissa, she, uh, you're right, and we need to start talking. Getting this meeting together is the only way to do that. I'll put on the coffee. But otherwise don't go nuts. No pancakes, no elaborate brioches or omelets or whatever. Really, it's okay."

"Very well," Lili allowed. "There are muffins and bagels and the fixings for them. How many people are we expecting?"

"Just Melissa and Norri, with Neil and Tommy. I'll set the table while you shower." Lili just nodded and left. Doug flipped the communicator open again. "Yeah, I wanna talk to Malcolm Reed on the _USS Zefram Cochrane_. It's a family matter."

By the time Lili had emerged from the shower and gotten dressed, the two kids living with them, Marie Patrice and Declan were up, too. Norri – Melissa's lesbian lover, Leonora Digiorno – let herself and the others in. Malcolm and Joss were in communications' Malcolm was audio only. Doug turned to the family. "I'll, um, I'll go first." The family looked at him expectantly. "I, uh, this was completely unplanned. Not just this morning, but, uh," he sighed and looked at Melissa. "You want I should tell them, or do you wanna?"

She shook her head. "I can't."

Lili was sitting next to Norri and put a comforting arm around her. Norri looked confused. Doug spoke again. "It was, uh, we were on the last hunting trip, you all remember? And the two of us, we had a major fight. I can't even remember what it was about anymore. But we just, it was not pretty. Got our perrazin and came home and I guess we just decided we forgave each other. And, um, and we made up."

"Yeah," Norri smiled wryly, "we all cleared out of here, even Lili."

"You broke your commandment then, as I recall," Lili commented.

"Yeah," Doug bit his lower lip, "the old one about no one allowed in our bed except for you and me. I'm sorry about that."

She waved him off. "It's fine; it's done. But that's not why we're here, now, is it?"

Norri shot a quick look. "What _the hell_ is going on?"

Melissa's brown eyes were even larger than usual, pleading with Doug, who took the hint. "Melissa's pregnant again."

From Cornell, Joss commented, "You don't look happy, Ma Melissa."

"I, I'm _okay_ with it," Melissa replied cautiously.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Norri asked.

"I, um, it's complicated," her partner replied.

"How complicated can it possibly be?" Norri asked. "We've done this before. We're all older, sure, but it's not impossible. Age forty-two is not impossible, Mellie."

Malcolm spoke up. "Is it that there are … issues?"

"Yes," Melissa squeaked out.

" _Down's syndrome_ isn't bad these days," Joss said, "In school, we're learning about it in Intro to Genetics. There's a lot more that can be done than fifty or a hundred and fifty years ago."

"It's not Down's," Doug explained, "The disorder is called _Cri du_ _Chat_."

"Cry of the cat," Lili murmured. "Is it, is it like Down's, where the mother being older is a risk factor?"

Doug shook his head. "This isn't Melissa's fault at all. It's mine, all mine."

"Wait," Norri said, "I don't understand. Faults and syndromes and risks – what the hell is this _Cri du Chat_? What does it all entail?"

"It's called Monosomy Five, Ma Norri," Joss explained. He shook his head.

"I went to Linwev, and he explained it. About eighty percent of the time, this defect comes from the father," Doug added.

"You went to Doctor Linwev and didn't tell me?" asked Lili, more out of surprise than anger.

"Uh, yeah."

"How long have you been keeping this from us?" Norri's tone was more demanding.

"We know I conceived on the second," Melissa replied, "and I didn't feel much different at all, just, kinda off. Doug suggested that I take a stick and take a test. I did, and it came up blue."

"And you didn't think to tell me then?" Norri demanded.

"I just, I had a bad feeling," Melissa looked like she was about ready to cry, "And I just got to Miva. That was, um, I think it was the fourth."

"Yeah," Doug confirmed.

"So you knew about this for over three weeks, Doug?" Lili asked, starting to become as irritated as Norri was.

"Uh, I know. It's," he sighed, "Miva immediately knew, once she knew Melissa was pregnant again. She was the one, who called Linwev in, and I got genetically tested – we both did. The two doctors did research and they figured it out together. I, I told you that my military unit was drilling all day. I'm sorry for lying about that."

"I don't know what to say," Lili was a little in shock.

"Perhaps," Malcolm ventured from aboard the _Cochrane_ , "we should concentrate less on the circumstances of learning and, and telling, and more on the issues at hand. What are they?"

Doug pinched the bridge of his nose. "It's early to know the full extent of things. But kids born this way – if they live long enough to be born, that is, they, they're all screwed up inside." He started to weep, and so did Melissa, and they were incoherent.

Joss had his PADD out, all the way in upstate New York, on Earth. He read off it. "Mental disabilities, digestive and circulatory disabilities, eyes are too far apart. And, uh, the name of the syndrome is because the infants' cries, they don't sound human. They sound a little like cats."

"What is their life expectancy?" asked Malcolm.

"It says here," Joss skimmed and read some more, "that it depends on the extent of the problems."

"Miva won't be able to tell for several more months, and then it'll be too late," Melissa sobbed.

"Well, what about, I dunno, now?" asked Marie Patrice, who had been quiet until then.

Doug looked at his daughter with crimson eyes. "What did you just say?"

"I'm just, Dad," the young girl backpedaled a little, "I mean, this is, uh, is it a lost cause? I mean, if it's only going to be, to be suffering and early death, why, uh, why continue?"

"This is your little brother we are talking about!" Doug yelled as Melissa cringed.

"Dad, I'm not trying to be mean!" Marie Patrice yelled back. Lili walked over to where her daughter was sitting and put a hand on the young girl's arm.

"It's an option," Lili declared. "I know how you feel. But don't discount it. Empy doesn't mean to upset you. But this is all a horribly upsetting fact, right?"

"You said _brother_ ," Neil said.

"Yeah," Doug confirmed, "the genetic test confirmed that, too."

"Kevin," Melissa whispered, holding her belly, which was still mostly flat.

Doug walked over to where she was sitting and put a hand on her shoulder. "Kevin Madden-Beckett."

"A new last name, Dad?" asked Tommy. "But why? Wouldn't Ma Norri adopt him, too? He'd be Digiorno-Madden like the rest of us."

"I would," Norri said.

"No," Doug put his foot down, although his voice was soft. "I want this. I want everyone in this universe, and in the other one to know, that Kevin is my child. He is my responsibility." There were, perhaps, two unspoken words that would have come afterwards – _my fault_.

There were nods and murmurs of approval all around and on the two calls, which soon ended. Empy and her brothers headed to school, late. It was just Doug with Lili, Melissa, and Norri. Melissa spoke. "I, I need Doug with me. _Please_."

"Sure, go over there tonight," Lili allowed.

"No, I mean all through this," Melissa clarified. "I, I wouldn't ask if I didn't really, really need him."

Norri looked up, peeved. "What are you saying?"

"I, I gotta have Doug with me," Melissa pleaded. "I just, I do. I can't explain why. But I need him near me. I need him to take me to my appointments and hold my hand and all of that."

"I have done that for you twice, Mellie," Norri's tone was a sharp one, "and I am prepared to do it again. I'm not in love with this. Empy's right; there are options here and you don't seem to be entertaining them at all."

"It's not a lost cause," Melissa moaned, but it seemed as if the statement were a bit rehearsed, as if she had expected objections like Norri's.

" _I_ never said it was a lost cause."

"But you _meant_ it," Melissa pressed. "I, I gotta have Doug with me. He, he believes in Kevin."

Lili thought for a moment. "I wanna talk to you," she looked at Doug. "I, I, you both have to go. I'm sorry. But this is going to turn our lives upside-down no matter what happens. So, so let me be alone with my husband so I can figure out," she sighed, "what the immediate future looks like."

"Of course," Norri said. She came closer and whispered to Lili. "You're not the only one who's been blindsided here."

Lili just nodded. Melissa approached her to make her goodbye and asked, "Please?" Lili just stood there stoically until they had departed and the door had shut.

"I –"

"What the hell?" Lili found herself yelling at Doug.

"C'mon, it's not like anyone meant anything by it!"

"Doug," she said, "you need to understand! Our lives are set. Joss is going to be in school for years – undergraduate and then veterinary school! Empy wants to go a fashion college on Andoria. And then there's Tommy – he wants to go to Starfleet Academy. And Neil is going to go to a business school somewhere. The only one we have real financial help with is Declan – and he'll be at some art school or another, right? Even if tuition and all of that is taken care of, we're still paying for communications, and for travel, and everything that goes along with all of this. You are seventy-four in less than six weeks. Don't you ever want to retire? And beyond the economics of it all, it's heavy work, or have you forgotten? All of this is for children who are all set, who are going places. If he lives, it will be a ton of work and money and heartache. If he doesn't then it'll be the same but it'll all happen faster."

"How can you say that? Are you upset because this is her we're talking about, and not you?"

"No, no, I'm not jealous that she can still have kids. That's not what this is about at all. I am sixty-seven and believe me, I am well past all of that, and not just physically. I would – and will – gladly help care for my grandchildren but you know this is different. Don't deny it, Doug."

"Practice?"

Her mood softened. "No, it is not that." She sat down in one of their living room chairs. "I'm just, look at you, look at both of you. You're tired and upset. I doubt that either of you are thinking straight, plus she's a hormonal cocktail right now." Lili sighed again. "What does Doctor Miva say? And I mean _really_?"

Doug sat down on their sofa.. "She says that there can be some surgery in the womb but it's far from guaranteed. Even if it worked, he wouldn't necessarily survive birth or even the third trimester or anything like that. She can't really tell the extent of his issues yet, and she won't be able to until, yeah, it'll be too late."

"So you _have_ been thinking of that."

"Yeah," he bit his lower lip. "I have. But I don't dare suggest it. Melissa won't hear of it. It's a wonder we were able to have the family meeting today at all."

"You mean she was just going to go along, get a baby bump and pretend she was eating too much olowa, or something, Doug?"

"I dunno," he admitted, "and you're right, the hormones are probably doing a number on her right now. I, I don't love this," he took her hand, "but I love both of you and all I want is for everyone to be happy and healthy. If I can't have one, then I'll have the other, right? But in this case, I don't – nobody does – get either. I guess this is my fallback position. Maybe I'm just going along to get along; I dunno."

"Maybe you are. I can't fault you for trying, though. All of the signposts point to big-time heartache here."

"You're right; of course, you're right. But we've gotta walk that path anyway. Melissa does, at least, and I'll go along for that ride."

"Whether you want to or not, eh? Whether you think it's best or not, right?" Lili thought for a few minutes. "I will do two things for you."

"Two?"

She nodded. "The first one is that I will agree to you going to her. While I don't know it for sure, I bet she means for it to just be the two of you. So we'll open up the Reed house and Norri and Tommy and Neil will live there for a while. But there's a limit to this. This is one year and no more, regardless of when he's born, whether he's born, and all of that. Once that year is up, then you come back home. I don't care what the conditions are. You do what you need to – appointments and whatnot. But you do them from here, from your home. You come back to me, and you and I are together again like we are now."

"You're, you are very generous." His thumb rubbed her fingers. "You do not have to do the second thing, whatever it is. This is already way more than enough."

"But I do, Doug." She took a breath. "There's room outside by the garden. The likelihood is exceptionally high that you will be burying Kevin, right?" He nodded, so she continued. "Then we'll ask the Calafan authorities in order to be absolutely certain. There is no cemetery for humans yet. So by the garden; we'll bury him out back, by the garden."

As she sat there in one of their living room chairs, he got out of the sofa and onto his slightly creaky knees, and he hugged her legs for a few minutes. "Nineteen years, nineteen years," he murmured. "Tomorrow it'll be nineteen years. I love her; I do. It is different and this is the life we have chosen and the one we are living. It's a good, good life. I love her, Lili, but _you_ are the one. You have _always_ been the one."

Her knees creaked and cracked more than his did, but she got onto the floor, too. "Not exactly how I intended to spend our anniversary." He smiled a tiny bit at that; it was the first hint of a smile he had given up since he had told her, early that morning. "You and Malcolm, you both bring this out in me. If I am the one, it is only that you have made me so."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 – Reactions

As she drove back to their home, an apartment in Fep City, Norri ventured, "What does it mean that you want Doug with you, Mellie?"

"I just, I, I do. I can't explain it."

"So you don't want me."

"No, no, I mean, I want you to understand," Melissa tried to explain, "This is horrible, uncharted territory. There are no chances for a happy ending here. They do not exist. Back in '57, when Doug was in the other universe, the other side of the pond, well, he's told me a bit about that. He said that there was no happy ending for him, either. It wasn't until he started to dream about Lili. And then the Calafans found a way to bring him over, and here we are, after a few, I dunno bends in the road."

"The biggest bend was him, as I recall. You did not end it – and neither did I – when he came into our lives. I suspect that could have happened, you know."

"Were you considering it, back in '59 when our arrangement started?"

"I'll admit it crossed my mind, Mellie. I won't lie to you about that. But I've seen; he's been good to you. The entire arrangement is a loving one. Every piece of this puzzle is necessary, in order to make it all work, to make it fit. I, I had thought when Neil was born that the number of pieces would be capped at ten. It was for so very long. Is Kevin the eleventh piece?"

"I think he is," Melissa stated. "I want to at least try to explain, but I'm not even so sure I understand it myself. See, I know there's going to be a tragedy here. The question does not take the form of _if._ It takes the forms of _when_ and _how_. I know how badly Kevin is hurting; or at least, I think I do. I am more connected to him than anyone else."

"That may be the case for his entire existence, you know," Norri commented as she parked their car.

"Right; that's not outside the realm of possibility. But for that time period, however long it is, I wanna maintain that connection. However fragile and unreal and hopeless it is, I wanna, I guess, I just wanna see it through, I suppose. At night, when we dream, I connect with Doug."

"Just like Lili connects with Malcolm."

"Of course," Melissa allowed, "and that connection – our connection – I wonder if we could maybe even connect to Kevin. Even if we can't, I want us to try. I want so very badly to, to try. Even if we fall flat on our faces – and I bet your last dollar that we will. But I still want to try."

"Three's a crowd. Hell, six is. I think I can understand, a little bit, about why you might want to try, Mellie. But if all you are going to do for the next eight or so months is try to connect with Doug, then you don't, you don't need me."

They were in front of their open apartment door. Human and Calafan tenants filed past. "I _do_ need you," Melissa replied, "but, uh, not for this. Please don't be mad at me."

Norri thought it over, and waved her key – a bit of plastic with a notch cut out of one side – in front of the door's lock. Once they were inside and the door was closed, she replied. "I'm not, I am not angry. Not anymore. I'm just hurt. I will admit that. But I will not push it or try to make you feel guilty. I can see your mind is made up." She flipped open her communicator. "I wanna talk to Lili Beckett, on Lafa II, just outside of Fep City."

"Yes?" Lili asked, knees cracking a little as Doug helped her up from the floor.

"Can me and the boys stay with you?"

"I was just about to suggest that."

Meanwhile, at the small schoolhouse for humans, the four kids were having so much trouble concentrating that Miss Elenyakiah finally dismissed them early. Empy and three of her brothers walked along, not heading home immediately. "Well?" she asked.

"Well, what?" asked Tommy.

"C'mon; you know."

"Yeah, well, sure I do. But what is there to talk about?"

"How do you feel about it? All of you, I mean," Marie Patrice ventured.

"I haven't been on this end of things; neither has Dec here," Neil said. "Weird; it's weird." Declan nodded.

"Do you remember when Dec and Neil were born?" Tommy asked, "'Cause I sure don't. In a way, this is my first rodeo, too."

"Right," she said absently, "if anyone of us remembers what it's like to get a new sibling, it's Joss." She flipped open her communicator. "Yeah, I wanna talk to Joss Beckett; he's on Earth, at Cornell, uh, undergrad. He's a freshman."

"Empy, c'mon, don't bother him," Neil said, but Empy was already hearing Joss. The three teenaged boys all leaned in closer to be able to hear.

"Yeah?" he asked. She asked him the same question. "Man, well; I kinda remember when all of you were on the way," Joss admitted. "With Empy, I was pretty jealous. I don't remember it too much, but yanno; it was the sibling rivalry thing. I didn't really understand where Tommy was coming from until later. I kinda got the concept of Neil and Dec on the first shot, though."

"What'd you think?" Declan asked.

"I thought it was pretty cool. I also, see, heh, I was happy that the boys outnumbered the one girl. Who," he added diplomatically, "is a force of nature all by herself and doesn't need a posse behind her."

"You're damned right," Empy replied. "And what about Kevin?"

"See," Joss explained, "as a Pre-Vet major, they took us over to the Vet School during the first week. They told us, if we couldn't handle this one thing, then we might as well turn back and get some other major. There's plenty of things you can take at Cornell and they wanted us to be happy and feel like we were making the best choice. You know, all of that."

"What was that one thing?" asked Tommy.

"They showed us this elderly cat. It had multiple myelomas and it was suffering. Of course it's possible to heal at least a part of that, but that's expensive and difficult and the outcome isn't guaranteed. Plus that cat was about eighteen, heh, the same age as me, see? That's kinda ancient for a cat, and this had been an outdoor cat. They, uh, they euthanized that animal in front of us."

"How did people react?" Declan asked.

"Two girls quit on the spot. They just went over to the professor and they got really angry, that that would be done, in this day and age. I dunno what they're studying now. One guy got sick. A bunch of people were angry, or were saddened. I kinda just channeled Dad, I guess. I stayed stoic throughout it. But it did affect me. I remember going back to the dorm and being unable to eat or get any studying done. I contacted the professor and I asked her, see, I asked, because I thought I was too affected. I asked her if I should continue. I love the idea of becoming a vet, but I wanted to know if she thought it would be too difficult for me."

"What'd she say?" asked Empy.

"She said I would become a better veterinarian then, that I shouldn't be so affected that I can't function, but that I should be affected enough that I can feel real empathy with the owners, you know, the people who are really going through it, and are losing a family member."

"What do you think about Kevin?" asked Neil.

"Well," Joss chose his next words carefully, "I can't say as I even knew the name of that cat. I'm not even so sure that it had a name. I can't even recall its gender. I, I love all of you and that means, by definition, that I love Kevin, too. But I can't help thinking that we can treat a nameless cat a lot better than we can treat him – at least sometimes. Makes me wonder how I should feel at all."

"Joss," Neil asked, "why aren't you in class, anyway?"

"I got the same reaction as I did to that cat," their elder brother explained, "I wonder what it means."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 – Kevin

Melissa's pregnancy proceeded with difficulty. There was event after event – cramping, bleeding, dizzy spells and fainting. She and Doug rarely slept or ate, and just existed in the Fep City apartment, scarcely leaving it. Doug handed over his military unit, temporarily, to a fellow who had retired from the MACOs and was looking for something to do – Major Strong Bear Dawson, who had been the eventual replacement for Jay Hayes on the _NX-01_ and, for a short while, had been the MACO CO on Malcolm's ship, the _Cochrane._ He was an older guy who everybody called Bud. Doug was grateful – Bud followed every direction he gave and, after a while, Doug just left the man to his own devices, unable to even escape into a little bit of his work. At least he knew things were in good hands with Bud.

Melissa took no piloting work whatsoever and remained on indefinite medical leave. Norri, who worked as a book editor, and was trying to write a book of her own, threw herself into her work. Malcolm, who was acting captain on the _Cochrane_ , patrolled the Romulan Neutral Zone even more carefully and diligently than before. As for Lili, she worked as a chef in her Fep City restaurant, _Reversal_. But her work was plain and uninspired, delicious yet not creative. She just didn't have the energy to make anything new and different.

It was February the 12th of 2177, in the very early morning, when there was a lot more bleeding than usual. Doug drove Melissa, as fast as he safely could, to the Calafan Med Center, where Doctor Miva, a native Calafan OB-GYN was waiting. Miva was a short woman with blonde hair and silvery scrollwork up and down her arms, a mark of her species. "All right, let's have a look," she said as Melissa sat on an examining table. Miva's Lafa V accent almost sounded Irish.

"I didn't do anything differently," Melissa explained, "I did a little cleaning around the apartment. We had dinner last night and went to bed."

"Any of what you humans call _hanky panky_?"

"No," Doug shook his head. That had seemed nigh well impossible for the duration.

"All right," Miva asked, checking a display over Melissa's head, "and then what happened?"

"Nothing, so far as I could tell," Melissa explained, "I slept for I think an hour and then I woke up in pain and the sheets were soaked."

"Right, all right," Miva murmured. "Here, hang on and I'll record it and all three of us will watch, all right?" She had a medical wand and traced it over Melissa's abdomen. "Yes, there, and there," the doctor muttered to herself.

"What is it?" asked Doug.

"You can sit up now," Miva said to Melissa. "Now, here, I have the information. Look at this screen, please." The screen showed the image of a fetus in profile. The sternum seemed to be shorter than normal, with the chest shaped more like a shield. The back of the head was more prominent than expected. The display then showed a crosscut section of the fetus's chest cavity. "There, do you see that?" Miva indicated with the wand.

"What are we looking at?" Melissa asked.

"It appears as if the heart is affected. I was afraid of that; it's rather rare but terribly serious. And the muscle tone seems poor, see that? There's some microcephaly going on as well," the doctor explained.

"What about his eyes?" asked Doug.

"It's too soon to tell," Miva stated. She looked at the two of them. "The second trimester has just started. It is not too late to end this more or less academic exercise."

"You said there could be fetal surgery," Melissa pointed out as she dressed.

"I did," Miva admitted. "But this is beyond my skill level. I could get a surgeon in, maybe. There's your Pamela Hudson, or even Cyril Morgan. But neither of them are fetal surgeons. As for Calafan fetal surgeons, there are fourteen of them in the system."

"Well, what about them?" asked Doug, taking Melissa's hand.

"I put in calls when we first knew about Kevin," Miva stated, "but everyone is either booked or out of the system. As for getting a human fetal surgeon in, that's outta the question. The cold war with the Romulans means that travel is fairly well restricted."

"Yes, I know that," Doug said, "but there can be a few exceptions. I'm the captain of my unit here. Maybe I could pull a few strings. Or Reed could. He's an acting captain; that's gotta be good for something."

"I don't think so," Miva stated. "The rumor is that physicians – who are already even more restricted – will remain in place for the duration. However long that turns out to be. You can't go to Earth or Andoria, either. Partly it's due to the travel restrictions but it's also because there is every possibility that Melissa could go into labor or miscarry while out."

"Isn't there _anything_ we can do?" Melissa asked, teary.

Miva thought for a moment. "All I can think of is to put you on strict bed rest. No more cleaning. No more anything. You lie in bed or on a sofa, including for your meals. You only get up for the bathroom and for brief showers – and I mean brief. I want you off your feet, unless you're coming here for me to see you – and that's gotta be every single week from now on. I also want you eating better. Your weight is down again, when it should be up. I can see from Doug here that he's not eating much, either. Now, you are intimate with a celebrated chef. I suggest you hire someone local to bring her food to you. Let them do the cleaning, or do it yourself, Doug. Come back in a week and I'll see what's what. Unless you wanna end this madness."

"We'll, um, we'll be back in a week," Doug said as he escorted Melissa out.

Outside of the Med Center, Doug flipped open his communicator. "Lili Beckett, of _Reversal_."

"How are you holding up?" she asked from the other end of the line, as soon as she had woken up and knew it was him.

"Okay, I guess. Can you, uh, when you cook, can you set aside some extra?"

"Are you coming over?"

Doug looked at Melissa. "No, we can't; Melissa's on strict bed rest now."

"Maybe Empy could bring something over. She's getting better with driving."

"Maybe; we'd need someone regular, who could do a little light housework," Doug explained.

"I'll see if the kids know anyone. I'll make extra elekai stew tonight. And, and every night. Doug, how are they? How are _you_?"

"It's, it's not easy," Doug admitted. "Thank you for, for everything. For how amazing you are. I can't possibly tell you how much I love you."

"I love you, too. I miss you." She closed the communicator. The kids had heard the communicator chirp and were awake, even though it was the middle of the night. "Do you know of anyone who can drive who could be hired to do some light cleaning and deliver food?"

"Maybe someone in the senior class," Declan suggested.

"Here, both of you, cuddle up with me, okay?" Lili asked. "The bed's kind of large when your Daddy Doug's not here."

The two of them obeyed. "Have you been in touch with my father?" Declan asked.

"Malcolm is, eh, he's busy," Lili said, "Starfleet runs him ragged. We're all being run ragged, it seems."

Later that morning, at school – which was really a one-room schoolhouse for all of the human minors on Lafa II – Declan and Marie Patrice asked around. One of the few Calafan students piped up. "I could use the practice driving," she explained.

"Yinora," Neil said, "you don't have to."

"No; I don't mind," Yinora smiled a little at him, "my mother goes way back to your mother Lili. She even babysat for Joss. So I can continue the family tradition, eh?"

"What I mean is," Neil pulled a little on her sleeve, exposing a part of her silvery arm, and shepherded her to a corner, "it might not be a pretty sight. My Dad and mother are, uh, I really don't know what the conditions are there. It might not be so very nice."

She looked him in the eye. "Neil, I am all right with it, honestly. If it's really horrible, I'll try to make sure there's a replacement for me, all right?"

"You're a really good person."

"Eh, I try," she tossed her bald head. "You know us Calafans; we all love humans."

"Why us?" Neil asked.

"You got your issues, but you're all kinda interesting. It'll be fine. Let me do this, all right?"

"Okay," he nodded, and then gave her the addresses.

As promised, she picked up the meals and brought them over. At the Fep City apartment, she found the place in dusty disarray. "Anyone home?" she called out as she rang the chime.

Doug came over, tired and unshaven. "Can I help you?"

She handed him a bag she was carrying. "Neil said you'd be wanting some supper and light cleaning? I'm Yinora; I think we met but I was little."

He thought for a moment. "Oh, yeah, you're Yimar's girl, right?"

"Yes, I am. So, am I hired?"

"We have no other applicants." He smiled just a tiny bit. "So I guess you're hired. Melissa is, uh, she's confined to bed rest unless we're going to Doctor Miva's, and that's once a week. There's, uh, there's laundry and I guess dusting. I can heat up the meals. Are you eating with us?"

"No, I'm all right. You go ahead." The girl was young and strong, and had probably gotten more sleep that night than Doug and Melissa had in the prior month, combined. "Don't pay me any mind."

"I'll, um, I'll get you a spare key," he promised before taking the food into the kitchen.

And that was how it went for a few months. Yinora would shuttle from Lili's house or the Reed house, to the Fep City apartment, where she would help out. Melissa mainly slept, unless she was in transit, to or from Doctor Miva's. Doug in particular seemed grateful for the young alien girl's company. He wasn't too chatty with either of them, but he expressed his gratitude often, and slipped extra Calafan coins into her tunic pockets when she wasn't looking.

Just after midnight on June the second, Melissa called out as Doug was dozing off on the sofa, in front of the viewer. "What?"

"Doug!" she called out again.

He came running into the master bedroom. Again there was a great deal of blood. He flipped open his communicator. "Calafan Med Center – I need an emergency unit, fast as you can get here."

"Anything else?" asked the Calafan relayer.

"I need for Doctor Miva to meet us at the Med Center tonight."

"Right away." The connection was cut.

"They're coming," he announced. "Let's get you a bag packed." She was too weak to provide directions so he threw in whatever he could think of as he tried not to panic.

At the Med Center, Miva was clearly exhausted. "This is labor," she announced, although it seemed fairly obvious. "So, you are exactly eight months along. That's better than I had had any reason to hope. Let's see how we do, all right?"

Doug made as to go into the delivery room with them but Miva wasn't having any of that. "I'm sorry. I know you want to be there."

"I am always there. The only one I didn't see born was Dec."

"I know," Miva's voice was even more Irish-sounding in her stress, "but I have no idea what we're dealing with. If I have to resuscitate him, I'll need the space. Please try to understand this."

Doug nodded, defeated. He sat in the waiting area, debating whether to tell anyone what was going on. Finally, he flipped the device open. "I want, I, I _need_ to talk to Lili Beckett."

"Where is this person?" asked the relayer, who had that same Lafa V brogue.

"Uh, she's a human living near Fep City."

There was a slight pause; perhaps the relayer was new. "There. Thank you for waiting."

"Uh, hello?" Lili's voice sounded groggy.

"I'm sorry for waking you," Doug said, "I just wanted you to know. It's, it's time. The baby's coming."

"I see." Lili sat up. Empy was sleeping on the other side and didn't awaken. "How is it going?"

"Miva doesn't want me in there."

"I'm sorry. Do you want us there?"

"Maybe just you and Norri, okay? Let the kids sleep. I, I don't know what's going to happen."

"Got it. I'll see you soon. I miss you."

"I'm glad you're coming," Doug replied, closing his communicator.

Lili shook Empy's shoulder gently. "Marie Patrice, I'm sorry to wake you, but Norri and I have to go to the Med Center."

"Oh." Then Empy must have realized what that meant. "Oh, uh, what do you want us to do?"

"Stay here, all four of you, okay? I'll take my car. You be ready, though, to drive your dad's car over later – but not until we tell you to. Can you do that for me?"

"Sure, Mom. Just, uh, let us come over and see him, please?"

"That's not up to me." Lili bent over and kissed her daughter. "See you soon."

She slipped on clothes and then hiked up a little rise between her home and the Reed house. The area was dark and a few small shadowy figures flitted by, probably linfep, which were small native animals that resembled hares, although with tusks. Lili had a key to Malcolm's house – she was a part-owner – and let herself in. She called out, "Norri?"

Leonora stumbled out of bed, Neil and Tommy behind her. "What's going on?"

"Melissa's having the baby. Doug said for you and me to come. Boys, Empy knows what's going on. Dec is still sleeping. Just, be patient and if your parents want you to come, they'll tell you, or I guess we will. I dunno. Someone will tell you, I'm sure. Go, uh, go to school today; you don't just have to wait around the house."

"Right," Tommy replied, "Ma Norri, do you think Kevin will come home tonight?"

Norri turned to the boys and said, "I'm not so sure he ever will come home."

During the ride to the Med Center, Lili said, "Doug sounded so awfully tired. And it didn't seem like it was just from today. I think it's from the last six months or so. Seven? I have no idea; the days are all colliding, it seems."

"No matter how Doug feels and sounds," Norri commented, "I bet Mellie is ten times worse."

"What have you heard from her?"

"Nearly nothing. I get more news from Yinora than from Mellie."

"She's a good kid, that Yinora."

"Definitely," Norri agreed as Lili parked the car, "I just wish she wasn't my sole source of information."

They found Doug quickly. As Lili had expected, he looked as horrible as he sounded – unshaven, with large bags under his eyes, his hair seemingly greyer, and his weight had dropped, despite her sending food. "Back in the other universe," he said, by way of greeting, "when I was fifty-four, they used to call me _Old Man_. I wasn't that old, and I was in great shape and all that. Right now, though, man oh man, right now that works. It's the only name that makes any sense." He held both of them, one on each arm.

It was Norri who spoke next. "Doug, you know, I wouldn't accept this from anyone but you. I know you've done everything possible for Mellie, and for Kevin."

"It's not enough," he said, shaking his head.

"It is," Lili replied, kissing him on the cheek. "I love you more than ever."

Miva came out, shaking her head. "What is it? What's going on?" Doug asked in alarm.

"Melissa is all right. Kevin is small. He is close to full-term but we are still using an incubator as a precaution." She paused to collect her thoughts. "He has already been in cardiac arrest twice."

"My God," Doug moaned.

"If I may be so presumptuous," Miva offered, "I think your God is trying to tell you something."

For three weeks, Kevin stayed at the Med Center, and remained in critical condition, often near death. Melissa recovered and was able to return to the apartment, where Doug continued to live with her, and Yinora continued to bring them their meals and clean up where she could. Melissa and Doug would visit every day and, on rare occasions, Kevin would even nurse a little, and it all almost felt normal. _Almost._

Lili and Norri and the kids were allowed in to see him, once, on a day when they ventured to take him outside briefly and give him a little of the quadruple star system's ample sunshine. That was all that Melissa would tolerate or allow. It was enough to see that this was an infant who was not long for this world. That evening, Lili put in a call to Joss to have him return home as a precaution, and he did so.

On the twenty-third, Doug slipped out briefly, and went to a jeweler's and purchased a gift for Melissa. "Something to remember him by," he commented to the jeweler, who accepted coins from the odd, gaunt human man with a scraggly beard and an air of fatigue and world weariness about him.

On the twenty-fourth of June, Melissa awoke with a single-minded purpose. "He has to come home," she announced to Doug and Yinora. "And you've been helpful," she said to the young alien girl, "but you can't be here for that."

"I understand," Yinora replied, glancing at Doug.

"We can, um, you can bring enough for the whole day, okay?" he rummaged through and found her enough coins to buy anything she couldn't get from Lili. "Get it all in one shot. I dunno about tomorrow."

"Nobody does," Melissa commented.

They got to the Med Center and it was as before, that Kevin was in dire straits. "I want him home," Melissa declared to Miva.

"I'll need a confirmation." She called in Linwev, who was a younger Calafan man, and was Doug's own doctor.

"Do you know what taking your son home will do?" asked Linwev.

Melissa nodded. "I do. I take full responsibility."

"It might even be today," Miva said.

Doug turned to the doctors. "Can you give us a painkiller for him?"

"Of course. Bring him back every day, all right?" Miva suggested.

Doug nodded. "I, uh, I doubt we'll need to," he whispered, accepting a little hypospray unit from her.

He drove to the apartment slowly, deliberately, as Melissa held their third son, refusing even to put him into a safety seat.

At home, after about an hour, they left Kevin alone in a crib in the master bedroom and went into the kitchen area for a meal. Yinora had been as good as her word and the kitchen was well stocked. Melissa picked at her food as always, tapping her fingers on the counter, unable to keep still.

There was a yowling sound, like a cat in distress, but it was feeble.

Melissa rushed back to the bedroom. Melissa was older, to be sure, but she looked even older than she should have – tired, teary, as if she hadn't slept well for a while.

The yowling was a bit louder. There was no cat to be seen anywhere.

Melissa leaned over the crib, and picked up Kevin. He was the one making the noise. There was no cat, just a newborn. And his eyes – they were too far apart. He cried strangely as she tried to soothe him without much success. 

Doug walked into the little scene, "Hey, buddy," he said as Melissa handed him the squalling infant, who quieted down a bit, "There ya go."

"You have the touch," she said, "Doug, do you think he knows?"

"I, I don't know."

"I think maybe he does, somehow," she replied.

The baby yowled again, a high-pitched whiny cry that did not feel normal.

"Shh, shh," Doug said, "Have you tried nursing?"

"He hasn't nursed for over twelve hours," Melissa said, "We should call Doctor Linwev."

"No," Doug said, "We've been over this before."

"He needs treatment. We need to get him to the Med Center."

"Which is where we just got him from," Doug said, insistent, "Linwev let us take him home, to, to, well, uh, for this purpose." 

"But why can't they fix him?" Melissa asked, teary.

"We have talked about this," Doug said, "We both know he's got too many problems. The chances aren't good that he'd survive any surgery whatsoever. To, to, die," he barely whispered that last word, "on an operating table, versus here, in my or your arms – I mean, if you were Kevin, which would you choose?"

"I hate this choice," she said.

"It's, it's all my fault anyway," Doug said, handing her the baby, "I never should have made you."

"You didn't," she said.

"C'mon," Doug said, "We could've stopped this before it went this far."

"We both chose for him to be born," Melissa said, "I don't regret that. I love him. I love you, Kevin. Hear that?" she asked the baby, who began yowling again, but he wasn't as loud.

"Here, let's give him the painkiller," Doug said. He injected the baby with a little hypospray, and the crying changed to just a few gasping breaths. "It is my fault," Doug was insistent, "Linwev said. It's me. The defect comes from me," he said, "Blame me for everything."

"You and I made love, and yeah, he wasn't exactly planned," Melissa said, "But that is the only fault here."

"But the genetics are all screwed up," Doug said, "We can deny it all we want, but I am the cause of this. All of his insides are messed up. His eyes. That way he cries. He'll never have," Doug stopped for a while, and just cried a bit, then continued, "He will never have normal intelligence." He took a breath. 

"I have something for you," Doug said to Melissa.

"Oh?"

"I had, uh, I don't know if this is a good time or not. But, uh, here," he said, as they stood over the crib and looked down at Kevin, who wasn't moving much.

"Um, thank you," she said, opening up a box that fit in the palm of her hand, "A bracelet."

"With, see the charm?" he asked, "The, the oval. That's you. And the three circles inside? Those are, uh, they're the boys," Doug said. He couldn't continue.

She finished for him, "Yeah, I see. The, uh, the biggest one is Tommy. And the middle one has gotta be Neil. And, and he's the littlest one," she slipped it on her wrist, "And they're, the two bigger circles, they're around the smallest one. So they'll, they'll always protect him. Even, even after," she picked up Kevin and Doug put his hand on the top of Kevin's hand gently.

The baby took one big gasp and that was it. 

"He's, he's done," Doug said, "Isn't he?"

She put her fingers on the baby's tiny neck, "I can't feel a pulse."

"Oh, God."

"Doug, do you, do you think there's a place where, where he is right now? Where he's safe and comfortable?"

"I, I don't know," he said, "An afterlife? I, I never believed in that."

"You hear about people seeing lights, and going to them. Do you think that's what happened?" she asked, between sobs.

"I hope it's not just our brains losing oxygen," he said, "The universe laughing at our tiny lives."

"Don't say that," she said, "He can hear us."

"I don't – uh, maybe he can. Kevin, Daddy and Mommy love you," Doug said.

"No more pain," Melissa said softly, " _Forever_."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 – Aftermath

"What the _bloody hell_ is wrong with Starfleet if I cannot get leave to attend an infant's funeral?!" Malcolm yelled at Councilman Archer.

"Malcolm –"

"Sir," Malcolm was agitated, barely on the edge of calm, "I ask for very little. I have given you naught but respect for years. And this is how you and the others repay me? My sacrifices? My loyalty? My skills and my bravery and my cunning and my, my _everything_?"

"I don't like this anymore than you do," Jonathan Archer tried to assure him, "but my hands are tied. Beckett is a big deal on Lafa II with the diplomatic attaché, and that's not enough, either. We've got any number of flare-ups in the Neutral Zone. The _Cochrane_ is the only decent-sized ship in the area. You are the one with the experience. You cannot just hand this over to Aidan, or Hoshi, or Travis. I'm sorry. Believe me, I am appalled by this. Starfleet really should let you go. It's wrong and it's inhumane and it's thoroughly insensitive. We are utterly in the wrong. But I still can't let you go."

"I am this close," Malcolm held his right thumb and index finger close to each other, "to resigning my commission. I hope the bloody council gets it through their immeasurably thick skulls just how wrong this is."

"Malcolm, I –"

" _Reed out!_ " Malcolm replied testily. Lieutenant Commander Hoshi Sato Kimura, his Communications Officer, cut the connection. He looked at her, and his tone was considerably calmer and pleasanter when he spoke to her. "I shall be in the Ready Room. Contact Lili, please."

"Got it."

In the Ready Room, Malcolm at least was able to establish visual communications, a feat that was all too rare during that cold war. "I cannot come, my love. I am so, so sorry."

"It's, um, it happens," she replied vacantly. "I, uh, I should go."

"Understood. I shall be home as soon as I can. I love you."

"I love you, too," Lili replied, cutting the connection. At home, she turned to the family. "It's just us, then."

There was, perhaps, something to prepare, but no one truly knew what. They stood or sat, lost.

The door chimed several minutes later, and Norri busied herself answering it. "Yi'adioni?"

"Yes," replied the Calafan High Priestess, a pale woman dressed in elegant, flowing pastel robes. "I understand you have a bereavement. I am here to assist."

Lili's business partner, Treve, and Yinora walked in behind her. "We took the liberty of contacting her and bringing her. I hope you don't mind. But Kevin deserves a good sendoff, I think. He was a part of all of our lives," Treve said as Yinora – his niece – nodded. "Pamela sends regrets; she'll come visit soon."

Neil drew Yinora aside. "That was, um, really nice of you. You, um, I know this is a bad time to say this, but I'm finding I like you. A lot. And not just for this. For, for everything."

"I'm finding I kinda like you, too. Why'd you think I volunteered in the first place?"

"Thank you for everything," Neil whispered, "you've been amazing."

"Kevin didn't just have family. He had friends, too."

As if to bolster her statement, the door chimed again, and it was Miva, with Linwev. Behind them were nearly two dozen troops, both human and Calafan, all in full-dress unis. It was Doug's military unit, with Major Dawson leading them. "Permission to attend?" Bud Dawson asked Doug.

"Yeah," Doug replied softly. "I dunno what to say." He was still exhausted, unshaven and gaunt, looking for all the world like a man from Biblical times in mourning. The wall chronometer claimed it was June the 25th of 2177, but no one would know that, looking at Doug.

"Don't mention it. MACOs forever," Bud replied. He turned to his troops. "You will step carefully, and will not scratch Mrs. Beckett's nice floors."

"Sir, yes, sir!" they all replied in unison, voices echoing a little.

"Let's go in the back," Lili suggested. She flipped open her communicator. "Malcolm Reed, please, on the _Cochrane_." Once the connection was established, she said into the device, "Now you can listen in."

Behind her, Tommy and Neil each lifted an end of the tiny coffin. Behind them were Melissa, between Doug and Norri, shuffling sideways to get out of the narrow doorway, then Marie Patrice with Joss, Yinora with Yi'adioni, and Treve holding ropes, Miva with Linwev, holding shovels, and then Bud with the troops.

Everyone carefully stepped around where there were day lilies growing, and asparagus stalks that were a bit past their prime. Yi'adioni spoke. "Small children," her voice had the same Lafa V brogue, as she had been brought up in poverty before being chosen to become the spiritual leader of her people, "might not seem like much sometimes. And for those who last less than a month, we have to wonder, how can they touch us? What can they teach us? Kevin Madden-Beckett was one such child. But I don't have to wonder or ask how he could touch anyone, or what he could teach. Because, you see, I already know."

She paused and looked at the assembly. "He taught us that there are any numbers of lost causes out there, and sometimes they seem hopeless. But they give us grace, and they give us a measure of understanding. He taught us that, for all of our civilization, and all of our technology, we are, sometimes, not very different from when we all lived in caves. We watch, more or less helplessly, as a life slips away. We try our medicines and our therapies," she looked at Linwev and Miva as she said that, "but they are not enough. It isn't negligence; we simply aren't equipped. We would fight it with our weapons," she gazed at Bud and the troops, who were standing at attention throughout the small service, "but this enemy is incorporeal. We cannot defeat it with our phase rifles or hand to hand. We would starve it, or poison it," she looked at Lili, "or we would club it, or shoot it," she looked at Doug, "or fly away from it," she looked at Melissa, "or even try to make sense of it in writing." Yi'adioni favored Norri with her gaze.

"But none of that works, and none of that helps. All we can do, truly, is to love these children, and express our hopes and our positive thoughts, things that we sometimes call _prayer_. I heard Yinora say that Kevin had friends. And that is true. He had friends who fed him. He had friends who helped make him comfortable. He had friends who tried to heal him. And he had family. They cared for him. They advocated for him. They hoped and dreamed for him. All of us here, we loved him, in every way we could."

Doug walked to stand next to her. "Can I say something?"

"Of course," replied the High Priestess.

"I, uh, Melissa and me, we're really touched by this outpouring. Yi'adioni is right; Kevin was so small, so slight. It's hard to think of what he could possibly touch, or teach, or say, or do. All of our children have taught me something. They've taught me how to be more compassionate, or creative, or careful, or disciplined, or generous. I think Kevin taught me how to be more accepting. I was born into a culture where strength was celebrated, and weakness and fragility were the sorts of things to be disdained and stamped out. Kevin has taught me that the weak and the fragile, the people who truly need us, sometimes they are more valuable than those of us who are capable. Thank you, Kevin."

"Can I talk?" Empy asked. Doug nodded at his daughter. "Thank you for teaching me to be nonjudgmental, Kevin. It's a lesson I had to learn."

"Troops!" Bud bellowed. "Twenty-one gun salute!" Seven troops, human and Calafan, male and female, got into line, at attention. They were each holding a phase rifle. "Ready!" he yelled, and they all turned away from the family. "Aim!" They all pointed their rifles diagonally up at the sky, in the direction of the little rise where Malcolm's house was. "Fire!" The seven rifles were shot simultaneously as small greenish-yellow streaks of light emerged from them. The commands and corresponding actions were repeated two more times.

"Here," Melissa squeaked out, pointing at the ground. She looked to Lili for confirmation; Lili nodded in agreement. Two of the members of the unit took the shovels and dug quickly. They carefully placed the coffin into the freshly-turned earth, lowering it with the ropes. Everyone took turns shoveling dirt onto the small grave. When they were finished, she said, "I hope he can have a chance now, wherever he is."

The troops filed out, Bud leaving last. He turned to Doug. "Take your time coming back. I don't mind doing this, Captain Beckett." Doug nodded at him before he departed with his charges.

The doctors departed next. Linwev turned to Doug, "I want you in my office sometime soon. You're not taking care of yourself. I know why, of course, but now you've got to get back to it, all right?" Again, Doug nodded his acknowledgement.

Yinora, Treve, and the High Priestess left, with Yi'adioni saying, "We believe in an afterworld. Things aren't perfect there. But that's where the chances are."

The five older kids wandered into the kitchen, leaving the four adults in the living room. "I guess you'll be home in about four months," Lili commented to Doug.

"No," Melissa said, "stay here. This is where you live." Doug looked at her so she added. "I am certain of this. Stay. We've done enough." The four of them just stood and held each other as the suns went down on the Beckett house and, out back, the first of what would eventually be seven backyard graves.


End file.
